Unexpected turn in life

I had a choice, I could have compromise myself, my pride and go to another college, instead of Skidmore or Richmond. I could have, but I did not. I chose not to compromise myself. It was either a great school or a kick-ass major. I was not offered the amount of financial Aid needed for a great, famous and legend-wait for it-dary school so there was only kick-ass major left. I do not regret my choice because studying in USSH is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Many people might thing that I just believe so as a self-consolidation, but NO. I did not expect to have a gang of 7 great friends who did not lie and go behind back of each other (I really do appreciate that because in real world you never know who really is your friend); I did not expect to have so much fun.

However, there are always things I will not stop wondering and maybe regretting. I regret not having a chance to improve my English further. While my friends’ English is becoming more fluent, mine is descending and the knowledge is fading by day. You might ask why I do not study English anymore? I think that I liked to study English because it always was with my besties, or at Yola where I would meet new friends, and more importantly, I had a great motivation: a thought of living in the US. That was my motivation. Here, where the requirement of graduating is only IELTs of 5.5, I no longer have motivation. I am confident that I am the best know, but I can  not say so in next year. I am confident that what I know in the realm of English is enough for me to read books and graduate, but it might not be enough in a year. Sometimes you just feel stuck, other times you feel lost, but the worst is when you feel like you do not need it. No need to try, no motivation.

I do not regret studying in USSH, but I regret the fact that there were still schools that did not accept me (not that I would be studying there or anything). In my view, it is the sign of failure, the failure I could not accept, the failure that I experienced for the first time in my life. I keep telling myself that I did not failed to be accepted by Richmond’s admission. Maybe that was me holding on to the past. As Jordan Belfort once said “The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” So maybe I would have studied in US if I tried this year, maybe I would have been offered financial aid by Richmond and a place in Skidmore, but when I think of it, it is no longer what I want and what will make me happy.


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